101 Bade Oneshots!
by Butterfly Kitty
Summary: Just a series of Bade oneshots including several alternatives of how they met and started dating, random fluff, The Slap stories, and so on. On hiatus for a while.
1. Hurt Me and We Both Go Down

**Hiya! So this is just a series of oneshots about Bade; mainly how they met and fell for each other, but I might add some extra "The Slap" oneshots (i.e. "Beck's taking me to a movie at the cemetery tonight. Glad he's finally figured out what girls like.) and also episode stuffs (ex: feelings of when they broke up in "the Worst Couple" and so on.) So, without further ado…**

_Hurt Me and We Both Go Down_

"Jadey! Jaaaaddeeeyyy! Jadey-Jade!"

The ditzy red-head was running through the hall, her brown button-up Uggs making loud sounds as they contacted the ground. I spun around; slamming my locker door shut and crossing my arms as one of the pairs of scissors I secured to the metal fell off and hit the floor. That was the third time this week, and they always seemed to disappear when I turned back to pick them up.

"What?" I practically screamed at Cat. She whimpered, flinching at my harsh gaze, but immediately regained her disgustingly cheery outlook. Dear God…

"Did you see that new gang of hot guys?" Cat asked. I raised an eyebrow.

"Hot guys?" I asked. I wasn't as boy-crazy as Cat was, but new, hot boys were always a good thing.

"Yeah, but they're like, bullies," Cat said. "One of them just came yesterday."

"And you didn't tell me?" I asked, flipping a brown and red curl behind my shoulder. I really need to invest in black dye.

"You had a 104° fever," Cat pointed out. "And you're still sick, but you're here so I told you."

"I'm only 101," I snapped. "And I'm only back because my dad swore that he'd hit me if I didn't get out of the house by seven AM this morning."

"I thought you liked pain," Cat said innocently.

"My dad's different," I muttered. "So, these hot guys?"

"Yeah, I only remember George Hanson and Manny Knight. But there's like three more," Cat said. "Including the new one. He's so hot!"

"What does he look like? Maybe I've seen him," I said.

"He's got longish hair, like a little past his ears, and he has a necklace and combat boots and jeans," Cat said.

"Ugh, you mean Beck Oliver? That guy's disgusting! And besides, Cat, you've got a one in one million chance to be his girlfriend, cuz girls drool over him!" I said. "Look."

The gang of bullies walked past, heads held high. Beck was in the front, with five other girls fawning over him. He and a boy with black hair turned to a nerd with an afro and a puppet. They grabbed the puppet's head, walking to the boy's bathroom, with the afro nerd and the rest of the gang following them. The girls stayed back but stared into the bathroom. A few seconds later, after a flush and an over-executed "REX!," the gang walked out calmly, the girls regaining position, and puppet boy ran out with a very wet head and an awkward-looking body.

"Oh, poor Robbie! I'm gonna go talk to him! Wish me luck!" Cat said, running off. "Robbie! Rooobbbbiiiieee! Robbie!"

I sighed, bending down to find the pair of scissors. Nope, just like I suspected, they were gone. I straightened, trying to think of more secure ways to keep my scissors on my locker, and walked down the hall to Sikowitz's class.

00/00

I walked over to Festus's truck with Cat beside me. No one else surrounded the truck, since we appeared late, but just as we got there, that gang of bullies walked up, shoving past us.

"Hey!" I yelled menacingly. The guys turned around.

"We were here first!" Cat shouted feebly. She then turned to me. "That was good, right?"

"For you," I muttered.

"We thought we shouldn't let the fragile girls ingest too many calories," a guy who I recognized as Beck said mockingly.

"Well, listen _hot stuff_," I scoffed. "I know how to count calories, and I _really_ don't need help from _you_. Now move, or I'll make you regret being born."

"Baby got sass," the black-haired boy said.

"Shut up Larry," Beck muttered.

"_Move_," I stressed, crossing my arms. Cat clutched my arm nervously, and I shook her off.

"Well," Larry said, moving closer. "You say you can make us regret being born. We can and will hurt you really bad."

"I'd like to see you try," I snapped, spinning around to walk away. "Come on Cat. We'll just order a pizza."

"Okay then," Larry said, grabbing my wrist. Panic spread through me like a wildfire, but I tried not to show it. His iron grip was making my hand turn red and clammy. "Let's see what a feisty hottie would look like with a black eye." He pulled back his other hand, making it a fist, but before he could hurt me, Beck grabbed him and yanked him away.

"Don't… hurt… her," he said through clenched teeth, punching Larry in the face. Larry stumbled away.

"Did you just punch me?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did. And before you can kick me out of the gang, I quit," Beck said, marching away. The gang went the other way. I glanced at Cat, making sure she was okay.

"Go talk to him," she coaxed me. I blushed a little, and then composed myself before walking over to Beck, who was angrily playing with something.

"Hey," I said quietly. "Sorry about… you know." Beck spun around, sliding what he was fiddling with in his back pocket.

"Yeah. It's okay," Beck said.

"Thanks for saving me back there. I owe you one," I responded, playing with a brown curl of hair.

"Big time, girl," Beck said.

"So, what were you just playing with?" I asked curiously.

"These," Beck answered, pulling an all-too familiar pair of black scissors from his pocket.

"Oh my God, you're the one who took my scissors!" I cried.

"Yeah," Beck said. "I'll only give them back if you give me something."

"And that is…" I started for him.

"A kiss," Beck answered. I felt myself go red, earning a chuckle from Beck.

"You honestly want a kiss," I said incredulously. "From the world's scariest teenager."

"Yeah, I admire how you are the only girl who doesn't flirt with me or fawn over my hair," Beck said.

"I still think your hair's hot," I said honestly. Beck chuckled.

"So, that kiss?" he asked. Heart thumping, I leaned in to kiss him. I swear, I never thought I'd be in this position. I would say I was only doing it for the love of my scissors if it was true. In truth, I loved it. "And, malady," he said when we parted, "You are rewarded for your amazing kissing skills." He pulled two other pairs of scissors from his backpack and gave all three pairs to me. "You really need to secure them better to your locker."

"I know," I said.

"I'll give you super glue if you go on a date with me," Beck said.

"I'd date you even if I wasn't getting super glue."


	2. The Dog

_The Dog_

My eyes felt baggy, but I forced myself to finish the chapter of "Mockingjay" that I was on. It was a really awesome story, and I really wanted to finish it tonight, but I was too tired to do so. I took my bookmark and marked the page, turning off the little book light and snuggling down in the warmth of my navy blue blanket. My RV's temperature could only be changed in the truck up front, but it was way too cold outside to go turn it up.

Just as I started drifting off into dreamland, a loud bang shook my RV. I groaned inwardly, knowing that it was my girlfriend. I pulled myself out of the comforts of my bed to answer the door, expecting to see Jade in a type of rousing fury.

I never expected to see her with black streams of makeup and tears down her face.

"Jadey, what's wrong?" I asked, letting her brush past me to get inside. She sat down on my bed, kicking off her black combat boots.

"Make me coffee," she ordered, her voice cracking a little at the end. Since I couldn't stand seeing my girlfriend upset, I went to the kitchen and started brewing the coffee.

"Was it your dad?" I asked, clutching my fists in fury. "If it was, I swear I'll -"

"No, Beck, it wasn't," Jade interrupted. I poured the freshly brewed coffee into a black mug and brought it over to her. She took a sip, and I smiled in amusement as she seemed to calm down completely. Oh, the wonders of coffee.

"Why are you all sad then?" I asked, rubbing one of the lines of black off her face. Her skin was wet and sticky from the tears.

"It's stupid," she muttered.

"Probably isn't, if it made you cry," I said. She glared at me and I raised my eyebrows. Then it clicked. "Was it the nightmares again?" One more tear sliding down Jade's face told me I was right. "Which one?"

"The dog," Jade said softly before dissolving into another fit of tears. I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing my thumb over her bony knuckles.

The nightmare she had was one she frequently had, and it was by far the worst of all. Her dad owned a dog shelter when she was younger, about five as she had said earlier. One day, on "bring your daughter to work day," Jade's dad brought her to the shelter and left her in the yard where the dogs exercise. Several dogs were harmless, but one of the dogs, a big brute named Derk, was truly ferocious. The Pitt Bull, abused since puppyhood, had attacked the five-year-old Jade, and she had to go in for surgery to fix her. What scared Jade the most was the attack and all the blood and such that dyed the grass red and that was targeted in her nightmare. She dreamed that the big dog was chasing her and just before she woke up she would trip over a rock, fall, and the dog would be upon her.

"Jadey," I whispered in her ear. "It's okay. It's only a dream."

"But Derk could've killed me," Jade sniffed.

"But he didn't," I reassured her.

"Beck?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't call me Jadey."

I laughed.

"Okay."


	3. Take a Hint!

_Take A Hint!_

"Run! Run Nancy!"

"Yes, Walter!"

I looked over at Andre weirdly as Jade and Tori tore past us. Andre shrugged and I smiled a little.

We got offstage and several people congratulated us. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two boys slip off after Tori and Jade, but I figured it was to applaud them on their performances.

When the audience cleared out, Andre and I sat in two of the seats while the stage crew started taking down the backdrop. Tori and Jade still weren't back, so I decided to talk to Andre about them.

"So, what's with you and Tori?" I asked.

"What about Tori?" Andre asked quickly.

"It's obvious you're crushing on her," I said.

"Well…" I smirked a Jade-style smirk. I really need to get over her. She was a witch. Never loved me anyway. "Okay, you gotta admit Tori is really nice."

"And hot," I added.

"Dude, I call dibs. You had your chances," Andre said. "And I thought you still loved Jade."

"What?" I asked, startled by the statement.

"You always look at her. Stare at her even. You're a lot more upset without her," Andre said.

"So? That means nothing. And she's happier now, so I have no chance of getting her back if I wanted to," I said.

"Dude, haven't you seen her? She's actually meaner than usual, if that's possible," Andre said. I thought about it for a few minutes. He was right. She did seem different. I was about to open my mouth to speak when Tori came running up to us.

"Beck! Andre! Come quickly!" she cried.

"Whoa, what happened?" I asked, standing up.

"Chad's got Jade!" Tori said. "You've gotta come!"

"Tori, if Jade made you do this…" I started.

"No! I mean it! Chad's got Jade!" Tori yelled.

"We don't even know who Chad is," Andre said.

"He and a friend started hitting on us and driving us crazy at Nozu's, forget that, just come!" Tori shouted, taking off again. I ran after her, shortly tailed by Andre.

We ran through several darkened hallways until Tori brought us to one really dark hallway. She slowed down and started walking, motioning us to be quiet. Now I could hear the little groans and grunts of protest coming from a pitch black corner. We could faintly hear snippets of conversation.

"Chad, stop…"

"Come on baby, one fun time."

"No…"

Squinting through the darkness, I could just make out the shadowed figures of Jade and some guy (probably Chad) making out. Or rather, Chad had Jade cornered and was forcing his lips on her lips… and neck… and further down. He was tracing his fingers down her slender body in the most teasing way.

"Ugh… Chad, stop…"

"Tori, Andre, go get a teacher… but not Sikowitz. He's drunk with coconut juice," I said.

"On it," Andre said. I heard Tori mutter "is it possible to get drunk with coconut juice?" and shrugged it off as they left. I already knew what I'd say to Chad. I'd yell at him for using a girl against her will, and Jade would be so grateful we'd get back together. Summoning all my strength, I walked forward just enough to see Jade crumple to the floor.

"Jade!" I cried, all signs of strength forgotten. Jade huddled into a ball as Chad knelt down beside her, a problem clearly evident in his pants as he started fingering the black hem of her skirt. "Chad, stop! You're going too far!" Chad turned around, clear lust glinting in his eyes. Jade whimpered a little.

"Like you care," he shot back, yanking Jade's shirt off. Now, with just tights, a skirt, and a camisole protecting her underclothes and body from the world, Jade seemed really insecure.

"I do, actually," I said. "She's my girlfriend and I don't want to see you touching her." Chad stood up, and Jade crawled over to me. I helped her up and she grabbed my bicep.

"Hey, I wasn't done with you!" Chad yelled at Jade. She squeezed my arm with her bony fingers and I put my free hand over one of the hands clutching my arm, rubbing her knuckle soothingly.

"Yeah, you were," I said.

"See Lane! That's the guy who tried to rape Jade!"

We all turned around to see Tori and Andre standing there with Lane.

"Okay, Chad, we're gonna have a little talk," Lane said, taking Chad away. Chad shot a glance at Jade's tights before moving away. I went over to Andre, leaving Jade to Tori for a minute.

"Distract Tori," I whispered to him. "This is my window of opportunity." Andre nodded.

"Jade! Are you okay?" Tori asked.

"Obviously not, Walter!" Jade snapped, grabbing her shirt from the corner. I watched her put it on.

"You sure you want her back?" Andre asked. I didn't hesitate to say "yes." "Hey Tori, there's free tacos outside."

"Ooh, tacos!" Tori said.

"Wish me luck," Andre whispered to me before leading Tori away. I sighed before advancing to Jade.

"Listen, Jade-"

"Girlfriend? Really?" Jade snapped at me.

"I did it to save your virginity," I shot back. We were quiet for a minute.

"So… you'd want me back?" Jade asked softly, so softly I almost didn't hear it. As I processed it in my mind, Jade murmured an "I didn't think so," and turned to leave. Before she could, I grabbed her, spun her around, and placed a soft kiss on her warm lips. A smile spread on her face, and she laced her fingers with mine.

No words spoken. We got back together silently, without words.


	4. The Gorilla Club EXTENDED VERSION

**The Gorilla Club EXTENDED VERSION**

"Tori, we need to talk," I said after our second visit to the Gorilla Club. Tori had passed the balls of pain and used the bathroom at the club and was now ecstatic, but I was getting increasingly worried. The Gorilla Club held a dark secret that Tori was so close to uncovering… I promised I'd never reveal it. And I didn't plan on doing so.

"Okay. What about?" Tori asked. I pulled her outside the Gorilla Club, sitting on a bench near the door. She sat next to me.

"Why?" Tori asked. "I felt the rush!" She shook her head just to prove it.

"We just can't," I answered.

"Aw, now I'm upset," Tori said. "You upsettified me Beck."

"Upsettified? What? Never mind, Jade's probably wondering where I am," I said. "Let's go."

-/-||-\\-

A loud knock on my door an hour after I came home from the Gorilla Club shook my RV. I rolled my eyes, knowing my girlfriend would be standing there.

"It's open!" I yelled. Jade suddenly appeared in front of me. "Yes?" I asked irritably.

"I heard you were with Tori. _AGAIN._ Did you tell her anything?" Jade demanded.

"I told her that the Gorilla Club is dangerous," I said calmly.

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Good." Jade sat down next to me on my bed. I had been watching Full House for the past hour. "I hate this show."

"So?" I asked. "I'm not changing the channel." Jade sighed exasperatedly, like it was a burden, and leaned against my shoulder. Soon enough I could hear her snoring softly against me. I turned off the TV, carefully laying down and positioning ourselves so that Jade was nestled in my arms, and soon enough I fell asleep to the sound of her gentle breathing.

-/-||-\\-

"So you got past the gorilla?" Jade challenged.

"No! I didn't do the gorilla thing! But I used the bathroom there!" Tori argued.

"Sitting down?" Jade asked.

"I might have hovered…" Tori murmured.

"Ha!" Jade yelled.

"I am a risk-taker!" Tori screamed.

"Don't tell me, tell the gorilla," Jade said.

"Jade, I don't think…" I started to say.

"Tomorrow night, at 10, we'll go down to the Gorilla Club, and then we'll see how much of a risk-taker you really are," Jade said.

"Jade, isn't that the start of-" I tried.

"Shut up Beck," Jade said. Tori seemed to back away to me.

"Tomorrow night at 10. Got it?" Jade asked. Tori nodded nervously. "Good." Jade started walking towards the door. "Coming Beck?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered, following her outside. When we were in my car (Jade walked apparently) I turned to Jade. "10 pm?"

"Yeah. I decided to show her exactly why I'm 'demented,'" Jade scowled. I started the car.

"Why do you care what Tori thinks?" I asked as we started driving away/

"Cuz I do."

"And isn't 10 the time your shift starts?" I asked.

"Yeah. I'll regret it but who cares, right? The worst she could do is talk about it on the Slap," Jade said.

"No Jade, the worst she can do is find out. You know Tori. She blabs about everything to everyone," I said. "That wasn't exactly smart, what you did."

"So?" Jade asked. "We'll see just how stupid it was tomorrow."

-/-||-\\-

It was 10:05 in LA Tori, Jade and I arrived at the Gorilla Club. Jade looked at my watch.

"Crap, I'm late," she muttered, running off. The knot in my stomach tightened itself. Tori looked at me weirdly.

"What's up with her?" she asked. I shook my head.

"I can't tell you," I answered.

"I'm thirsty," Tori said. "Oh! There's a place I could get water!" She pointed to a bar.

"Tori, that's a bar. It has alcohol only," I said.

"Oh, I'm sure they have something for me," Tori said, walking over. I hurried after her. Just as Tori got there, Jade walked out of a small room, bruised and dressed in a slutty waitress's outfit.

"Crap," I muttered, watching Tori approach Jade, who had busied herself by trying to find a certain type of alcohol from the shelf behind the counter.

"Excuse me miss," Tori said. Her eyes seemed to bulge out of her head as Jade turned around to face her. "Jade?"

"Yeah. What do you want?" Jade asked, crossing her arms.

"Do you work here?" Tori asked.

"Listen, do you want anything or not?" Jade hissed.

"I was wondering what drinks you have here," Tori said.

"Have you never seen a bar before?" Jade asked.

"Why do you work here?" Tori asked.

"Cuz my dad owns the place and wants me to work here. I'm the bartender and I also do something else. You don't need to know my other job." Jade grabbed a wine from the shelf and handed it to a guy next to Tori. He started chugging it down. Tori inched away from the man.

"Okay… hey Beck, can I go do the Balls of Pain?" she asked me.

"I'd rather you not… you just barely made it past last time." I looked over at Jade. "You okay with it?"

"Why are you asking her? Let's go!" Tori ran over to the Balls of Pain. I followed her, keeping an eye on Jade as well. When I got there, the man who ran the Balls of Pain was explaining how to do the game.

"…would you like an example to show you how to do it the easy way?" he said. My stomach formed another knot. _Please say no… please say no… please say no…_

"Um… sure. Okay," Tori said.

"Dammit," I muttered under my breath.

"Bitch! Get over here Bitch!" the man yelled. Jade appeared by my side in the next few seconds.

"Help me," she whispered so softly I could barely hear.

"Get up here!" the man screamed. Jade's eyes trailed the ground as she went to stand in front of Tori.

"No wait! I didn't think-" Tori started to say.

"Go!" the man yelled, starting up the Balls of Pain.

_5_

Jade seemed to shiver.

_4_

I wanted so desperately to go up and help her.

_3_

I hope she doesn't get hurt.

_2_

I hope she doesn't get knocked off.

_1_

I hope the guy doesn't hurt her if she fails.

Jade ducked, swerved, and dodged the swinging 100 lb balls. When she made it to the other side, she grabbed all three rings. On her way back, she must have lost her footing or something when she ducked. One of the balls hit her in the head and she fell off, shrieking as she did. I rushed over to her.

"Jade!" I yelled as she crawled into my arms. The ball had hit her hard. She shook in my arms, trying not to cry.

"Bitch!" another man yelled. He came over to us.

"Dad…" Jade whispered, cowering closer to me.

"You bitch! Get back up there and do it right!" Mr. West yelled.

"I think I know how to do the game!" Tori yelled. No one paid attention to her.

"Mr. West, I don't think she can go back up there," I said, hugging Jade close to me.

"Get over here, bitch!" Mr. West shouted. Jade got up shakily, holding her head as she looked up nervously at her father. "Go up there and do it right!" He slapped her across the face. She whimpered and ran up to the game again. "And by the way, the name's Tony." Tony walked away. Jade looked at me, pure terror shining in her eyes.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1!

Jade set off again, only at a slower pace. I could only imagine the pain she was feeling. I watched intently as she dodged the swinging metal balls, grabbed three rings, and started back. My breath hitched. This was where she tripped up last time. My fingers crossed, I prayed to God that she'd be okay.

She was. She made it to the other side!

I ran up to her, throwing my arms around her. She kissed me, but not in the Jade-like way I was used to. It was weak and soft. Too soft for Jade.

"We need to get home," I murmured to her.

"My shift isn't over," Jade answered.

"So?" I asked. Jade smirked. I picked her up bridal style, letting her rest her head against me as we went over to Tori. "We're leaving."

"I'm gonna stay here and do the gorilla thingy," Tori said. Jade closed her eyes. We left the gorilla club and I took Jade to my RV, and I promised her I'd never let her go back to the Gorilla Club again.


	5. My Little Pony

**My Little Pony**

_"My little pony, my little pony…"_

"UUUUGGGHHH!"

Oh, the joyous sounds my girlfriend makes in the morning.

"Beck, why do you have this channel?" Jade groaned but could not pull herself to press the little button an inch away from her fingertips on the remote.

"For Molly. You know, the cheerleader who lives next door to me?" I replied. "If you don't like it, don't watch it!"

"Shut up Beck," Jade hissed. I rolled my eyes as she stared at the TV for a moment. The ponies had stopped singing and the plotline was beginning. Jade threw up her hands. "I don't see how tots like this shit."

"Then why are you watching it?" I asked.

"I want to criticize it," Jade growled. An amused smirk formed on my lips. Jade stared at the TV for a little more. "Little girls are so stupid. I don't get it. It's a bunch of pink ponies who fly and cast spells and read and design dresses and it has no initial plotline."

"Oh look, that one's orange and it can't fly or cast spells," I pointed out. Jade muttered something under her breath.

"Why do girls like this crap? It's just a shitload of ponies trying to get a little sticker on their butts. That's a terrible message to little girls. Won't this just provoke them to get tattoos?"

"Says the teenager who got a tattoo 20 minutes after her stepmom told her not to."

"Shut up Beck."

Jade watched the TV for a few more minutes.

"DA FUCK! PONIES CAN'T DO LASSOS WITH THEIR TAILS!"

"Jade, you're waking the neighbors up."

"Good. Maybe it'll knock some sense into them."

After a half hour of My Little Pony and Jade's complaining (even though the channel button was inches away from her long bony fingers) Jade sat there with her arms crossed

"You know, you could've changed the channel," I said.

"I didn't feel like it."

I smirked to myself.

_"Straw buh buh buh buh berry…"_

"Why are this berry girls living by themselves?!"

I groaned. This was going to be a long morning.


End file.
